i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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