My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
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