I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
