my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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