and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
