My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
