this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
