They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
