we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
