did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Randomize
