hell yes lets make some ravioli
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
