I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
