I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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