If i come over, it means nothing
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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