just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
