I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
did i walk over a car last night?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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