$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
