He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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