8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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