So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize