I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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