drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
and you fell through a lawn chair
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize