3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
