I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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