Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
