I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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