you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize