I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
