my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
