I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
