oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
