mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Randomize
