i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
