the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
