We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
