I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
