This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
