At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
