shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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