I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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