last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
