screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I need a burrito and a hug.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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