Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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