Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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