We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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