I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
