we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
