At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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