i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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