based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
