Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
