...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
