Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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