There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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