I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
