I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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