Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
