I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
