Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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