she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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