I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
