I wanna passion pit in your ass
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
