: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize