Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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