i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
