I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
