I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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