So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
