just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
