Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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