Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
