he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
