we have pet lesbian snakes
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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