Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
