Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
