Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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